11/7/2023 0 Comments Jian yang prank calls“He’s probably a kid in a garage writing code just like us,” Richard says. Jared offers to send a cease-and-desist letter, but since Stuart lives in nearby Mountain View, Richard offers to visit him in person. As soon as the beta of Pied Piper: The Next Generation breaks into Hooli’s top 500 apps, a guy named Stuart Burke contacts Richard about possible patent infringement. Richard’s streak of good luck is also shrinking. Miller Says He Wanted His Silicon Valley Exit to Be Definitive Perhaps Richard and I should consider changing our primary care physicians. At my last physical, my doctor told me I was shrinking, too, but he attributed that to an irreversible thing called old age. The doctor offers some really bad advice about STDs before telling Richard he’s shrinking due to a calcium imbalance that can be reversed with supplements. “Don’t forget about Don Melcher, too!” I yelled at the TV. “I had sex with a female,” Richard says shyly, referring to his unprotected, dismal dalliance with Don Melcher’s wife. Is this the only doctor covered by Richard’s Obamacare plan? When Richard comes in to be tested for STDs, the doc says, “But seriously, what brings you in today?” Richard is back at his wisecracking doctor’s office, and to be honest, I’m not sure why he keeps going to this guy. He should have just hit the thing with a hammer, but that wouldn’t be a programmer’s style.īefore all that fridge drama occurs, there’s a bit of medical soap opera to wade through. He replaces the fridge’s giant information screen with a mime making obscene gestures. It will take the entire episode, Gilfoyle’s trusty server Anton, and enough power to black out Hacker Hostel, but Gilfoyle eventually emerges victorious. ![]() Personally, I found this appliance beyond creepy - imagine if your Craftmatic adjustable bed started offering assistance - so I fully endorsed Gilfoyle’s desire to defeat it. When Gilfoyle curses it out, the fridge replies “Aww, is somebody having a bad day?” The fridge is always listening, and will offer to order whatever food it hears someone say, even if that person were not addressing the fridge. So, Jian-Yang’s talking fridge is not just a parody of Amazon Dot, it’s a sly continuation of the show’s warnings about giving too much of your freedom to technology. And more than once, Gavin Belson has tried to use someone’s Hooli searches against them. Prior seasons have also mined this vein: In “ Daily Active Users,” a concerned consumer says, “The problem is Terminator,” in regard to Pied Piper’s neural net possibilities. ![]() Just last week, the show played on the fear of personal data being seen by unwanted individuals. On its fringes, Silicon Valley has run a clever thread of this type of paranoia throughout the series, most recently in the guise of Mia, Dinesh’s hacker girlfriend who is currently in federal prison. The first iteration of Skynet isn’t going to sound like Ahnuld it’s gonna coo like Mae West. It gives users a false sense of security, pairing the tech with a soothing, friendly voice so you’ll give software access to control your house, your car, sexytime with your partner, and a whole slew of other things that can easily be manipulated by an outside force. Granted, an ominous amount of data collection is already happening while you’re surfing the net or using apps and social media (see why I keep telling you to read those software licensing agreements?), but like Gilfoyle, I object to the patently fake human characterization that often accompanies it. Alexa started recording you dancing naked to “Oops, I Did It Again” the second you requested she play the song - and she, Siri, and Scarlett Johansson are watching it and laughing at your male shortcomings. She’s probably collecting all sorts of blackmail material on you right now, and she’ll sell it to the highest bidder while you sleep. Because even when she’s not being addressed, you know Alexa is listening to you. This means I’ve never talked to Siri and I damn sure won’t be inviting Alexa into my house. For example, I do not use voice-activated anything. I agree! Despite being in tech for 30 years now, I am a shockingly analog person. We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior.” “This is addressing problems that don’t exist. The fridge has a friendly male voice that has vocal tics like “oh,” “ahh,” and “umm.” “The tics make it seem more human,” Dinesh tells Gilfoyle. The tech in question is a $14,000 refrigerator Jian-Yang buys to replace Erlich’s now-deceased appliance. ![]() In this week’s Silicon Valley, he and I bonded over our shared hatred of humanized technology. Bertram Gilfoyle has always been my spirit animal.
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